The Widow (EDITED VERSION #1 Pls review!)

THE WIDOW

Today you were murdered. Fourteen years ago on this very day. It doesn't feel like such a long time has passed. It feels like the police officer was just here yesterday, two hands placed firmly on my shoulders, telling me to control myself for God's sake, for the sake of the little children; that you'd been found in the river, floating face down for hours and hours. That you'd been shot thirteen times all over your body, that they couldn't take hysterical me to identify you because of your face. "Christ almighty, his face..." The police officer had muttered, shaking his head at whatever grotesque image flashed across his mind. Instead of your face, they'd shoved your blue shirt into my hands, the shirt you'd worn that very day. The shirt I'd given you on our anniversary. "That his?" The man at the morgue had asked, filing his nails with a bored expression on his face, chewing gum like a cow.

And I'd slapped him right there. Right then. Hard. He'd stumbled backwards, an expression of utter shock replacing the bored one. The police officer had held me back from clawing that hostile man's face out, had taken me outside, given me water. They all blamed it on trauma. I blamed it on them. Why did they have to find you? If only they'd searched and searched and given up, putting down your disappearance to abduction. At least, there would've been the possibility of you being alive somewhere. Alive. Breathing. At least I wouldn't have to break down every time the little ones asked when you were coming back. Who could have done such a terrible thing? You didn't have any enemies, that I'm sure of. Then why? Did the criminal know how many other lives he had ruined by taking away one? What was the motive? Jealousy? Why couldn't the criminal have just spared your life? Was that too difficult?

I remember when my parents informed me of a suitor. I was mad. Crazy. Angered. I wanted to live my life on my terms. I wanted to marry someone I had chosen. And there they were, making my matches for me. I thought of confronting them with my decision of refusing you but then I thought of all they had done for me – from being the sunshine of my childhood to being the backbone of all my choices. And so, I met you. Little did I know it was a match made in heaven. You were a wonderful comedian and I knew right then that you were gifted with the ability to pull a person right out of a depressing day. You were the perfect man – dressed in clean attire, displaying sophisticated manners and the bearing the gentlest voice I have ever heard. I had finally found my Romeo.

They're not little ones anymore. They're all grown up, dear. They grew up hearing that you've gone to heaven because God was getting awfully lonely and needed the company of good, intellectual men. I look at the world outside and day by day, it's getting worse. There’s poverty and unnecessary wars and unbelievable conspiracies. The world’s not safe anymore. It needs people like you, dear. People who have felt the real pain shoot through them. We're all here today, by your grave and...No, I mustn't lie. I'm here alone. The children are off to their own activities. By missing your love, they have forgotten you. I'm the only one who comes by willingly to visit you, to put fresh flowers - roses, your favourite. And every time I visit, I try not to cry. But I can't. The tears flow out abruptly and endlessly; they're all the moments you weren't there, smiling and laughing about at silly trifles. Funny isn't it? You used to joke around and say you'd outlive me because you were "oh so young and handsome". We'd laugh at that. No one knows when a demon straight out of hell is going to arrive at your doorstep and just shoot you off with a .45 caliber. I have to go now, dearest. The kids have probably returned home by now. One more thought before I leave. I must say, taking a part-time job at the laundry has really given be some benefits. I take your blue shirt every weekend and have it laundered for free. It's just a little preparation, you know. When I join you, I want to see you in that blue shirt.

And then you can show me around our new home.